Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
