you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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