i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
only you would photoshop your dick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
