sarcasm needs its own font
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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