I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
