i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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