yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
