grandma shit on top of the toilet
I bet he comes in French.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
