Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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