overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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