He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
