Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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