Plan B is the new Plan A
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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