____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
