If i come over, it means nothing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize