He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You made out with two different species that night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
