we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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