so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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