I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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