it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
