you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
