Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
