your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
