dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
