the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
