Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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