Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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