Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
