it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
