I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
