Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
