wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize