Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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