WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, beer. Big fan.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
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