That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
