You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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