who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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