So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
