im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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