now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
