the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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