Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
