her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
