I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
