im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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