Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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