I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
