there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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