idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
