so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
