I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
