He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize