you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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