i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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