yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
