Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize