dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My life is pants optional.
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