"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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