apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
