yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
