look no pants
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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