i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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