Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to make a zoo with you.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
