it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
