She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
