if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
