I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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