Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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