I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
