SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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