so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
