why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
