I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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